Moral Margin

Presented by Dr. Marty Baker | James 1:15-17 | May 2, 2010

Good morning and welcome to Stevens Creek Church. I would like to welcome all of those in our Grovetown Campus and those watching by television. Today, we are conlcuding our series called Margin. Last week, we talked about financial margin. Today, we are going to talk about a kind of margin that you may not have thought of called moral margin.
Let me ask you a question: How many of you know someone whose life has been wrecked by a moral mistake? You know the kind ... lying, cheating, stealing and don’t forget the those sexual sins … pre-marital or maybe extra-marital sex, maybe pornography?
When most couples walk down an aisle and get married, they have this thought: In the next five years, I want to have an affair. I don't know anyone who says, "You know what? I plan on one day getting addicted to pornography, so that these images on a screen or on a page can consume me and totally pollute my mind".
I've never met anyone who said, "My one thing this year is STDs! I want to get STDs this year." I don't know anyone who says, "If I play my cards right, I can fall into some kind of a sexual deal and maybe it will cost me my job, or better yet my marriage, or I can lose the respect of my kids". I don't know anyone who thinks like that; and yet, it happens all of the time, doesn't it?
Here’s what I know. The greatest temptation that we face is to believe that situations like the one in this morning’s drama will never come our way. We have a tendency to be overconfident in our abilities to withstand the pressures of evil desires. There is a tendency to ignore the warning signs; to flirt with danger; and ultimately put our lives and families at risk.

Yes, most people who fall into this trap end up saying, "I never thought it would happen to me! The common thread that folks like this have is at some point in their life, they lacked what I would call Moral Margin.
You may be saying, "Well, what do you mean by moral margin?" In this series, we have learned that
Margin is the amount available beyond what is necessary. In other words, it is the difference between what you have and what you need.
In today’s talk, I define moral margin as this: Moral margin is putting distance between you and temptation. Putting distance, a buffer, some margin between you and temptation. If you have your Bibles, turn to James 1 in the New Testament, near the end of the book.
James 1:13-15
13 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;
14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.
15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
Notice what it says: He is dragged away and enticed. The original word hear means to entrap, to allure, to entice, or very literally it means to hook; it's a fishing term used to catch with bait.
Your spiritual enemy is trying to hook you into something that would cause sin to be born. When sin is full grown, it leads to death. Enticed, lured, baited, hooked; and I never thought it would happen to me.
What's interesting, in the early years of ministry, I worked specifically with students. It seemed like there was a common question that so many of them wanted to know. They would ask: "If I'm dating somebody, how far can I go? How far is too far?"
In other words, what is the line? It’s like they were saying, I want to know the line so that I can get right up to it. "How far is too far?
This is interesting because I don't think of very many areas in your life where you say, "How close can I get to something that would actually hurt me, without actually getting hurt?"
For example, I don't know many people who put three bullets in a gun, and then spin it and say, "I wonder how many times I can click it and be okay?" They don't do that, do they? I don't know of very many people who want to swim with paranas. A couple of weeks ago, we watched this guy on swim in a river with beds of paranas. But normal-thinking people don't jump in parana infested rivers and then say, "How many times do you think I can jump in before one bites?" Normal people do go there!
Here in the South, we have our share of poisonous snakes. I know that I have never walked up to a water moccasin or a rattle snake and put my hand out and said, "I wonder how close I can get to this snake before I get bitten?" Normal people don’t do that. But for some reason, when it comes to sexual temptation, people are like, "How close can I get to the edge without getting bitten?"
1 Corinthians 6:18-20.
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
Notice it says, "Flee from sexual immorality." The Bible does not say flirt; it does not say, get close to; but it says, “flee.”
The word flee here means to run away; it means to shun; it means to escape; it means to distance oneself. When you flee sexual immorality, it means that you put some distance between you and the temptation. You put some margin between you and temptation.
The Bible doesn't say flee from overeating. It doesn't say flee from gossips. But, it does say, “Flee from sexual immorality. Run!” Don't ask yourself, "How close can I get?" The wise person is going to put significant margin, significant distance between themselves and sexual temptation.
Some of you may wonder why the Bible focuses on sexual temptation when there are a lot of other sins. Could it be that sexual temptation is one of the most dangerous and most devastating? This seems to be the sin that seems to be taking so many people out. The Bible is clear.
Ephesians 5:3
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.
This is so different from what we hear at school or on the job. Most people would say; "Ah, it’s not that big of a deal.” But, God has a different set of standards. He says that there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality..."
If that is truly the standard of God; if He is so Holy and wants so much good for us that He would say, "There must not even be a hint among God's people," ask yourself this, if someone dresses inappropriately in a seductive way, causing someone to go "Wow!" Do you think that in God's economy that would be a hint of sexual immorality?
What if we are dating somebody and we are not going all the way, but doing everything...but? Would that be a hint of sexual immorality?
Do you think that reading a Cosmos magazine that says Five Ways to Drive Your Boyfriend Wild in Bed, do you think that to God that would be a hint? But in our world, that is considered normal! Put it out on the grocery store isle, so your five year old kids can see it! Normal! No big deal!
Do you know what else is normal when it comes to sex? What else is normal is pain and regret, and guilt, and shame, and insecurity, and fear, and lust, and divorce. That's exactly what is normal.
Let me say that what’s going on in the normal world today is not working. Normal is just not working at all.
Here’s how it works. We think: "Is it wrong to enjoy being with someone? You know, talking to someone of the opposite sex?" Well, no because the line of adultery is way, way over there, so just talking to somebody, that is not really wrong. The line is way over there. We are not going to cross the line, but then we move the line just a little bit.
We ask ourselves: “Is it wrong to share personal stories with somebody? You know, talk about my wife, my husband, is that wrong?” Well, of course not. Why? Because the line of sexual affairs, that is way, way, way over there; so this isn't wrong.
We ask: “Is it wrong to anticipate time with this person? I can't wait to be with them and spend time with them? That's not really wrong, is it?” Because adultery, that line is way, way, way, way over there, so that's not wrong at all.
Is it wrong to flirt with someone that is not my spouse? You know, maybe. You know, little notes, little gifts, is that wrong to have an emotional connection?
You probably shouldn't, but when you compare it to where the line is of adultery, it's way, way, way over there; it's not even close. I mean, that's not that big of a deal.
Is it wrong to start talking about my feelings? You know, I know I shouldn't be attracted to you, but I kind of am, that's what my heart says. I mean is that wrong? Well, no, you've got to be true to your heart, right?
Then it happens. You wake up and say, "I never thought it would happen to me!" No moral margin.

How do we put distance between us and temptation?
Where do we draw the line? Over the next few minutes, some of you will think that these suggestions are out-of-date, they are not normal. Remember, normal is not working. These are suggestions.
Suggestions to help create Moral Margin
1. Dress for spiritual success.
When you dress, dress in such a way to bring glory to God. Be modest. Guys, you can tell that I don’t hang out at the gym, but Kevin told me to tell you, put some clothes on. You've got big muscles. You are showing them off. Have some courtesy and be modest.
Ladies, don’t allow your clothes to be a distraction. Dress for spiritual success. I know you've paid a lot of money for them, but some of the clothes should be kept for your husband. We don't need to see them.
2. When dating, keep four feet on the floor.
It's amazing what happens, and how safe you can be when you keep four feet on the floor when you are dating. Do not get on the bed to do your Bible study together and wrap your legs around each other, just keep four feet on the floor.
If you are watching a movie, keep four feet on the floor, it's pretty extreme, but it's safe.
When you don't, what happens is, guys sitting there, girl takes her nice smooth-shaved legs and throws them up against his hairy legs. Hairy legs meets shaved legs, clothes start flying, it just happens. I mean it just happens. Next thing you know, someone's singing, "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with their pants on the ground!" Keep four feet on the floor, baby!
3. No sleep-overs or playing house
I realize that this is very normal. It gets late you know, you are dating somebody you know, you can use my toothbrush, you can wear my t-shirt, don't go home; we are just going to cuddle! That doesn't sound right! I don't know, I'm sorry! Let's just move on! Golly! Pants on the ground, pants on the ground!
4. Avoid Dangerous Places
You will have to decide what a dangerous place is for you. It could be going to the bars with people after work, or going to the clubs. Or, for you it could be going to the chat rooms. For you, it could be going to the gym. Whatever is dangerous for you, I would recommend that you avoid.
5. Monitor your internet activity.
When I was a kid, it was harder to find pornographic material. In today's world, there’s an app for that. Yes, you can get porn on your phone or on your computer. It is all right there, one click away. Be careful. There are programs to help you stay accountable, like Covenant Eyes, that will monitor your sights without slowing down your computer.
6. Avoid time alone with the wrong people.
Whoever the wrong people would be for you, stay away from intimate situations. Avoid even intimate conversations or inappropriate conversations with people that you are with. Avoid time alone with the wrong people.
7. Guard your eyes, your mind, and your heart, with everything in you.
Guard them, guard them. What does that mean? Be careful little eyes what you read. If you are reading some romance novels, or reading magazines that maybe aren't really bad, but they arouse something in you that is not holy and honor.
Watch what you watch; television, movies, the kind of conversations you are in. Think about your mind, what you are fantasizing about, the memories, take those thoughts captive, make them obedient to Christ. Do what Job did.
Job 31:1
1 “I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look with lust at a young woman.

Guard your eyes, your mind, and your heart. You may say, "This is so extreme." Yes! It is! Flee sexual immorality, don't flirt, flee! I've never known a single person who said, "My life fell apart when I created a moral margin." But, I know a lot of people who have said, "I never thought it would happen to me."
But, it has happened to you. You are that husband and father who respected at home and work and even at church, but you have another life. You are deeply engrossed in pornography. Sometimes you visit adult bookstores. When you are out of town on business, you go to a lonely motel room at 11:00 or 12:00 or 1:00 in the morning watching movies. You are ashamed. You are unable to stop. You are alone.
Could it be that you are a middle-aged woman who has found that the stress in her life just kind of magically disappears if you can a couple of drinks before everybody gets home. You hope that nobody notices. You hope that someday this need will go away, but it doesn't seem to be going away so far. You are alone.
Maybe you are that business person that has found it easy to cut some corners, cheat on some deals and pad an expense account, so you can bring in some more money.
It has become a habit now. You depend on it. You try not to think about it. You try not to call it stealing. You wonder what will happen if you get caught. You are so alone.
Maybe you are that couple who is highly thought of in your neighborhood and by your friends and relatives. But if the truth is known, you gave up on your marriage a long time ago. Now, there is a wall between you and your spouse. You are filled with bitterness and you rarely speak. You cannot remember the last time that you were physically intimate with each other. You are still together but it is like two divorced people living under the same roof.
You are struggling with sin and feel alone. Your ultimate goal is to keep it a secret. You are hiding. You have been hiding for as long as you can remember. The greatest fear in your life is that someday you may get caught.
I want to say to you as clearly as I can, that is not the worst thing that can happen to you. The worst thing that can happen to you is that you never get caught and you make it all the way through your life hiding from everybody around you, but your soul is destroyed by sin and you go to your grave a respectable fraud.
The worst thing that can happen to you is not getting caught. The worst thing that can happen to you is never getting caught and having your life and soul and heart destroyed.
You will not be able to overcome deeply ingrained patterns of behavior on your own. You are going to have to find a trustworthy person and bring your life into the light.
If you don't, here's what will happen. Your guilt and your shame will drive you into greater loneliness, and you will try to relieve the pain of your loneliness by the very habit or behavior that is already destroying you. It'll just get worse and worse and worse.
It’s time to come clean. I know that some of your are saying, “Marty, it’s too late. You have just described my life.”
I have good news. You can change. You don’t have to continue living with the guilt and the shame. You can be forgiven. You can be free. You need to take a step. You need to come clean. You’ve got to come out of hiding.
James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
You can be forgiven. You can be healed. You can be set free. In a few minutes, I am going to pray for you. During this prayer, God is going to change your life.